It occurred to me that not a day has gone by in the past two years where I have not thought of Badwater. It's officially an obsession. I simply must do that race. Since I read about it in Karnazes' book - a book I otherwise despised - I have not been able to get it out of my head. It is my muse, my guiding star, the thing that keeps me going. I sound like I'm exaggerating; I'm not.
I suppose I could just try to squeeze in a couple of 100 mile races this year, finish them, and then apply to do Badwater this summer. But, I don't want to do that. It would feel to sudden, too rushed. I don't want to do Badwater just to do it. I want to do it and give it my best shot. That means I need to come to terms with the fact that I am not ready to do Badwater. Not yet. Not this year. Trust me, it's a hard truth to face.
I want so desperately to do Badwater now. Not later. Now. But, patience is a virtue, especially in ultrarunning. I will wait. One more year. Get stronger. Get faster. Train. Get smarter at racing. Get to know my body better. All that stuff. Who knows! It may even take longer than two years (I hope it doesn't). But, no matter what, I will someday run that damn course.
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